This past week, I shared on my Substack the four words that led me into healing years ago: Help Me Be Me.
At the time, it was more of a cry than a polished prayer. A plea for God to break down the layers, facades, and protectors I had been hiding behind so that I could show up fully and authentically as me.
But here’s the thing: What if you don’t actually know who you are?
I know that sounds wild, but after years of sitting across from people in counseling and coaching, I know it’s true. I’ve heard their pain, their broken relationships, their chaos, their harsh inner critics. I’ve walked alongside people-pleasing, codependent behaviors, numbing, striving, and hiding. And over and over, I see that many people truly don’t know who they are. They have a hard time answering questions like these:
What do you really want in life?
What is your purpose?
What do you value?
Those are questions most of us avoid until life pushes us into a corner.
The truth is—we are whole people. Physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual. But it’s easy to get stuck in one or two of those spaces and ignore the others.
Think about it. Maybe you know someone who is in incredible physical shape—drinking their green smoothies, eating their protein, crushing it at the gym. Their career is solid, their finances stable. On the outside, they’ve “made it.” But look closer and you may see: their marriage is strained, maybe even toxic. Their relationships feel shallow. Spiritually, they’re dry. They check the box of “Christian” but haven’t actually sat with God in prayer, seeking His heart—or theirs—in years.
I know this, not only from the work I do with clients, but because I’ve been there in my own way too. There have been seasons where I looked like I had it all together on the outside, but inside I felt empty—disconnected from myself, from others, and from God. It wasn’t because I was “doing life wrong.” It was because I hadn’t yet learned how to slow down, listen, and pay attention to the parts of me I had neglected.
We all know someone like that. And maybe you even see a little bit of yourself in that description. If so, there’s no blame here. You’re not doing it “wrong.” We live in a world full of distractions, and most of us are simply doing the best we can with what we know in the moment.
But here’s the beauty: once we know, we’re called to take action. When we know better, we can do better. And by better, I don’t mean “better than your neighbor” or “better than the influencer on Instagram.” I mean better than the version of you from last week.
Freedom comes when we know who we are—in all areas of life, not just one.
So how do we start moving toward living authentically? Here are three practices I’ve found powerful:
1. Find a mentor.
Seek out someone older, wiser, and spiritually grounded. Ask them to guide you, share their stories, and listen well. Mentorship is one of the most underrated gifts we can give ourselves.
2. Clarify your values.
Write down the three things that matter most to you in life. Not what you think should matter—but what genuinely rises to the top when you’re honest with yourself. This becomes your compass.
3. Spend time in stillness.
We can’t live authentically if we’re constantly distracted. Even five minutes of quiet prayer, journaling, or just sitting without your phone can create space for God to speak—and for you to hear your own heart again.
Living authentically doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It means you’re willing to take the brave step of peeling back the layers, trusting God with the process, and asking the simple but profound prayer:
Help me be me.
For daily insights and encouragement for Living Well you can follow along on my Substack account here.
