Almost a decade ago, I went through an extensive yoga teacher training. One of the first sections we discussed was our ancestry. I’ll never forget when our teachers explained to us that we were given the best qualities of both of our parents, our parents were given the best of theirs, and so on.
This means that our character, over generations, is always evolving to be the best that it can be.
As I prepared this article, I thought through my own childhood, the upbringing of my siblings and I, and the way I lead as a parent in my own home. This is not “parenting advice”, more so a “parent sharing” a way of thinking that has transformed the way I lead in all areas.
I’m a hybrid of new age thinking mixed with the traditional ways.
Concepts taught by my elders like manners, respect, and discipline still very much apply in my household. Though the way in which we practice these concepts slightly differ from the way I was raised.
When I use the word minding, I hear a voice in my head that conquers. “You better mind me!”
When I use the word mindfulness, I hear a voice that constructs. “Let’s try this another way.”
There is no one size fits all for parenting. Period. Our family dynamics are complex, complicated, and make for a mixed bag of results when it comes to the outcome we get out of our efforts.
For example, when our children don’t follow directions after being asked multiple times to do something, we are put in a position to either; 1) Blame them for not minding, or 2) Regroup to think through why our communication is not getting through.
I’ll never forget when my daughter was a toddler and she so desperately wanted to drink out of a normal cup. She’s always been ahead of her time and wanted to skip the sippy cup phase all together. Eventually I caved, and started to let her drink out of a normal cup. Can you guess what happened next?
She’d spill her drink all over herself. Spill it on the floor. Knock it over with her wobbly self. Come to find out, sippy cups serve a GOOD purpose.
What I didn’t do was show her how to use a normal cup. I’d assumed, as you may have also, that she’d seen me use the cup, knew the cup was easier to spill, etc. I didn’t consider the gap. I didn’t consider that there would be much practice involved.
It finally hit me one day when she’d spilled one too many times and I got upset. She’d apologized in her precious little voice for making a mess, which I cleaned up with frustration. Hours later, I was drinking from a glass and I spilled it all over the floor.
In my early days of parenting my first child, the “We All Spill the Milk” theory was born. This was an early step in the direction of mindful parenting that I didn’t realize would become such a crucial piece in the rest of my journey.
The basis of this theory is that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and no one of us is better than the other.
Somewhere along the ancestral line, I’m convinced that control in parenting became the common way to rule the house hold.
I don’t know about you, but when someone tries to control me, I shut down, rebel, or both. I’m no expert (yet), though I believe there is something deeper to this that needs to be talked about more.
As parents, we are in charge of keeping our children safe, loving them unconditionally, and raising them to be good humans. Despite our greatest efforts, there will be days where they will make mistakes, challenge us, and disappoint us along the way.
When we approach the relationship with our children from a place of regulation vs reaction, we start to understand the parent – child dynamic on a deeper level.
The beauty of parenting in a mindful way is that it is helpful for both you as the parent AND your child.
This newer age idea of mindfulness was not present when you and I were young. Neither was all this technology, social media, and anxious mind mentality that has in a choke hold.
Simply put, we have got to break free from the rigidity of “traditional” parenting and be more open to incorporating mindfulness into the way we lead our family.
Being mindful does not mean “gentle parenting” or giving our kids whatever they want to be happy. This means taking responsibility for our own actions, regulating how we respond, and leading our children in a similar way.
When we are more focused on controlling ourselves and our own reactions, we are less inclined to force control on to our children or anyone else for that matter.
Simple ways in which we can regulate include :
– Deep breathing
– Taking a walk
– Pausing a heated conversation for 15 minutes, then regrouping
– Having a snack and something to drink
What I‘ve found from incorporating mindfulness into my parenting, is that my child, and the children I teach, are more inclined to follow my lead or do as I’m asking. The practice of self-regulation and mindfulness has completely changed the game for my family.
Response vs. Reaction looks like:
– Calming your voice before yelling
– Explaining reasoning before disciplining
– Guiding before commanding
– Listening before assuming
– Loving before disregarding
My hope with sharing this vulnerable work I’ve applied to my own is that it will help you. I encourage you to do your research, educate yourself on mindfulness practices, and talk with others in your circle about how they are parenting.
Our children are our most precious gift, and it is our responsibility to give them the best of what’ve we got.
Makenna Curtis
Faith, Family, & Entertainment Writer
Local Pulse Pensacola
