Have you ever thought about the weight of a grudge? I’ve always understood a grudge to be the residual anger, frustration, and/or resentment we carry towards someone after we’ve been wronged.
The idea of a grudge having a physical weight had never crossed my mind until once upon a Wednesday afternoon, hours before our scheduled youth group. This is actually one of the first moments I was recognized that the Holy Spirit can intervene whenever the Holy Spirit wants.
I’d had another plan prepared for that evening. Youth group was a lot of moving parts. The Bible talk was always something I could count on to be locked in so I’d have the capacity for other things to change. We were prepared for a food order to be delayed or bad weather if I’d planned games outside. I was not expecting the Holy Spirit to come in and alter the lessons plans just before I had to share them.
The experience is still as vivid today as it was when it happened. I was driving down 17th Avenue just about to come under the graffiti bridge and I felt a sudden nudge to pull over. Now, I’ve lived in Pensacola for 30 years. I’ve (successfully) traveled under that little bridge more times than I can count, and I’d never had the nudge to stop in midday at the graffiti bridge.
Now, flashback to my 12th birthday party real quick. I’d built an entire slumber party around the idea that we would go tag the bridge with spray paint and my mom would pretend she didn’t know about it. That was my last nudge to go there.
The nudge continued the grow into this idea to collect as many cool rocks with graffiti on them as I could find. Each rock needed to be large enough to write more than one name in sharpie. I’d happened to have a big empty tub in the back of my car, so I began to fill it up. Y’all these rocks weren’t small. I wasn’t dressed for the task, and I sure as heck don’t know where I got the strength to carry the tub of rocks back to my car.
Without hiccup, the new lesson for the night began to replace the lines of what I’d already prepared. I canned the initial bible talk for a two week lesson on forgiveness that I’d had nothing to do with preparing. Or so it felt like. I was being moved in a way that felt unnatural. It was one of the first holy moments I remember having.
That night, I let each student pick a rock out of the tub. I asked them to hold, and get to know their rocks. How heavy did it feel in their hand, the texture, the design of random spray paint. We got to know our rock before writing names on it. I told the students that they could write the name of someone that had wronged or hurt them, or write a word to remind them of a situation they couldn’t let go of.
We talked about how when we are wronged by someone or hurt by the way we are treated, it can have the ability to harden our hearts. As I walked around the room, every student was locked into writing something on their rock. The room was full of grudges.
Once the names were written, I challenged the students to carry that rock with them in their backpack for the entire week, until we met again the following Wednesday. The students were to leave it be, promise not to use it as a weapon or “toy” throughout the week, and bring it back to group.
There were grunts and groans about how heavy it was going to be adding a rock to their backpacks that already weighed 100 lbs, however I am almost certain the full group was locked in to the task.
Flash forward a week later, we return to group with a plan to walk down to the beach with our rocks. I gathered the students into a circle in the sand and we held our rocks and talked about the week. Students shared about the extra weight, randomly thinking about the rock, and how they seemed to almost forget it was in their bags after a while.
We talked about the unnecessary weight that grudges add to our lives. When we hold onto these grudges, they harden us and live deep down in our bag of life stuff. This extra weight overtime brings us down emotionally and physically.
Forgiveness is like taking those rocks that reflect your pain, and throwing them out into the ocean. Releasing them from your control and giving them over to a greater power. The ocean will tumble and smooth the hardened edges of your rock. The living water will wash away the names of those who wronged you.
The act of building a relationship with these rocks allowed the students (and myself) to experience the act of reflecting and forgiving. I’ll never forget us all on the shoreline throwing our rocks as far into the waves as we could. This was one of the rare moments where we had full participation from the group.
“Ms. Makenna, what if I hold a grudge again? It can be so hard not to!” I’d had a student ask as we walked back to the church. When we returned with our sandy feet and prepared to leave, I reminded the students that our walk with Jesus is a long journey. It will take us into eternity if we stick with it.
The healing power of forgiveness is a gift to us from Jesus. He makes a way for us to see things more clearly through the power of His spirit. Sticking close to Him will help us to forgive.
I encourage you just as I did those students to take the rocks from your bag. The ones with the names of people in your life who you are having trouble to forgive. Toss them out into the ocean.
Let the power of Jesus take over the hurt you feel and bring you healing. Let Him in on working out the mess, and lighten your load a little bit.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
With an open mind, an open heart, and the willingness to forgive, I believe that the Holy Spirit wants to give you your own holy moments. I’m believing for a moment of healing, restoration, or change of plans for your life! Be willing to pull over and respond to the nudge. Jesus is working on our hearts and wants to bring continued healing to us!
Local Pulse Writer & Holy Moments Columnist, Makenna Curtis
